am I too dirty, am I too flirty?

I found some great dance it out music. :)

dancing around on the kitchen floor in my socks. That's right. :)

Grace Kelly - Mika

will it be that joke that I told, and told 'til it got old?

If you live somewhere where it doesn't snow, count your fucking lucky stars. I had to work until a little after six last night, and set out in the snow storm to try and drive home for Christmas. The six-lane expressway that I have to take was absolutely terrible. I couldn't tell which lane that I was actually in, I went about twenty miles an hour, and somehow managed to slide twice. The second time I tried to correct, over corrected, and nearly slid into a car next to me. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. My heart was beating out of my chest, my hands were shaking, and it took everything that I had not to cry.

I drove for over an hour, driving twenty miles an hour, and made it to a pizza place on the main road. I called my mom and she had to come pick me up, because I was a nervous wreck and I knew that I had reached my limit.

It is TERRIFYING driving in snow like that. Shit.

My mom picked me up in my dad's truck, which has four wheel drive, and we made it to my aunt's for Christmas Eve dinner. I downed half a bottle of sangria before I could finally chill enough to even think about anything else.

Fuck. I hate goddamn snow.

So today I slept until two in the afternoon, ate a lot of food, drank nearly an entire bottle of wine by myself, and watched the rest of season one of Battlestar Galactica (which I'm in love with now, by the way). I have to go in tomorrow to work from 3-10 to deal with douche bags who can't stay home for a couple of days after Christmas. I fucking hate the holidays.

:)

Not the Sun - Brand New

I wanna dream away with you tonight...

I'm in some serious need of a vacation. I realized today that I've been nonstop working since I got my tonsils out in March. Yeah. Which is probably while I'm so angry with my job and why I really, really hate people lately.

I would like to take a trip, especially to NYC. I guess we'll see when Christmas is fucking over and I get all of my bills caught up.

Everyone loved their presents today. We had a little Christmas thing over at Matty's and Haley and James and Matty all got to open their presents. I'm really satisfied. My presents from them were:

Underwear - Haley (that's what I told her I wanted :))
Terminator: Sarah Conner Chronicles season 1 & 2 from Matty and James. I have never seen this show before, but I've been wanting to. :)

Tomorrow I'll probably get some crap thing that I don't want from my mom's side of the family, and money from my parents and aunt. That's all I really want, it can help pay my bills...

So I really hate my job. Last night I worked until around 11:15 at Food Ave, then I had to be back in the morning at 10. I didn't even get to bed until two in the morning, and I took a muscle relaxer 'cause my back was killing me. My alarm went off at 8:30 and I said "fuck no" and snoozed for an hour. I was about forty-five minutes late, and I forgot to care. So there.

Tomorrow I'm working from 12-6, then Christmas Eve at my aunt's. Probably won't do anything Christmas day, besides sleep...

Reasons to Love You - Meiko

I've learned to live half alive

We had freezing rain last night, so I had to call into work the past two days. Which really sucks, because I was only scheduled like twenty hours to begin with this week. So I ended up working like.. seven hours this entire week. Suck.

Whatever. Tomorrow's Amanda and Matty dad and we're going to do some writing. It's gonna be lovely. We're both really excited and can't wait.

I went out to dinner with Justin tonight. We ate at O'Charley's where the rolls kind of sucked, which was disappointing 'cause that's my favorite thing there. That... and the potato soup. I paid, because I'm not that old fashioned and Justin buys me dinner all of the time. I was also so glad to not be eating chili for the third consecutive day that anything would've been good.

I just bought Matty's Christmas present online and I'm really freaking excited for it. I got him Halloweentown 1 & 2 in a combo pack, and I also got him Hocus Pocus - which are two of his favorite movies. So yay. I'm awesome. I can't wait until he opens it, 'cause I love making my friends happy and he has absolutely no idea what he's getting. :)

I also got Haley Repo! The Genetic Opera, since I showed her the movie and she absolutely loved it. James got the Glee Christmas album, mom got some new house shoes since she's been complaining that the ones that I bought her four years ago were stolen by my sister, my father got a pajama set (which he wants every year), my uncle also got a pajama set, my aunt gets her usual cherry blossom body wash, my sister gets a heart necklace, and I think I'm going to get Floyd a ball since he's lost his other ones. Floyd is a dog, by the way. ;)

I kind of hate the holidays, but I really love making my friends happy, so hurray!

I'm just hoping for some money for gas and groceries this year. :)

Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri

don't move so slow

It snowed today. A lot.

I fucking hate snow. I was at my aunt's when the roads got really bad and had to drive home in snow showers with strong gusts of winds. It was so stressful and there ended up being a wreck and road block and I had to just sit in my car for like, half an hour until the road block cleared. Because people are stupid and drive too fast in snow.

I have a Wii. I love it very much. I got the special edition red one and it came with a free Super Mario game which is so much fun, especially when you play with other players. I also have a Wii Fit now, which is lovely. There are new games on it since I played a couple of years ago, and a friend of mine and I played that obstacle course hardcore. It was so much fun. We ended up wearing ourself out and laid on my bed and watched a couple of episodes of Chuck.

Fun.

Just to let you know, Dragonberry rum is so yummy. I put a splash in my orange soda earlier and it was very tasty.

I watched the first disc of Battlestar Galactica (sp?) today. I thought it was going to be in episodes, but apparently it started out as a mini series so it was like, three hours. It was pretty good though.

I'm also watching Desperate Housewives right now, which I'm really digging. I hear that it starts to go down hill after season two, but for now I plan on enjoying the first season and all it has to offer.

so the guy that I've been having sex with regular? Justin. This past week we hooked up a few times at my parent's house, which I imagined would be very awkward but it was actually a lot of fun. And hot. Shitt... I enjoy making sex with that man.

He's a bit older than me, by the way. I don't really care, I'm not going to marry him or anything. He's eleven years older than me and has an eight year old son, and I surprisingly didn't find that creepy or weird at all. His son lives with his mother and stays with Justin on the weekends. I've met him. Not introduced as his fuck buddy or anything, but sometimes he comes to see me at work and has brought his son along for an icee. He's a sweet boy. Remembered me the next time he came to Target, Justin told me he asked if they could go see if I was there. Cute, huh?

So work's going okay, except the holidays tend to make me feel like a realy Scrooge 'cause I fucking hate Christmas. I used to like Christmas. A lot. Then I worked in retail and... yeah.

That's basically it. Paying on student debt, working, playing wii, and sexing it up. It's a pretty sweet life right now. Not great, just... comfortable.

So with my whole haven't been writing lately thing? That should change soon, because Matty and I have both asked off the same day and have planned a day of junk food and locking ourselves in my room to brainstorm and write. Maybe I'll post an excerpt of some sort. I always write better when I've got someone to bounce off ideas with.

H'okay, goodnight.

I Can't Take It - Tegan and Sara

I'll remember someday

Dear blog,

I'm sorry that you've been so seriously neglected.

Life has been hectic. I spend a large chunk of my time driving, because living at my parents means living out in the middle of nowhere. Who's spending a fortune on gas? This girl.

They've trained me at the service desk at Target. Oh, horror. People. So many fucking people. Keep your goddamn receipt, okay?

I didn't get the promotion that I so clearly deserved. That's fine, I'm going to go back to school next semester so fuck you very much.

I'm kind of seeing a guy. I met him at Target when he fixed my printer. I then served him a weiner and he served me his number. 'Cause I'm hot. Like whoa.

Anyway, we have sex semi-regular. Yay for me.

Haven't spoken to B in over two months. Not since she came up with some lame excuse to ditch me on my Birthday last minute. I spent it alone with a bottle of rum.

I'm friends with Matty again. Which has been pretty nice. He had to send me like, four text messages until I finally caved in and talked to him. Things going well there.

I hate living at my parents, but at least I don't have to worry about too many bills. I'm also paying on my student loans and shit. It's like, a hundred bucks a month but I'd like to eventually make it more.

Well, that's all. Goodnight.

Gimme Sympathy - Metric

I lived it full, I lived it well

Okay, so after ten days, I had to call in. There is no way in hell I can get completely moved out of my apartment AND work tonight. Especially since my mom couldn't even get the truck over here until this evening.

I'll be moving small stuff all day, cleaning, and I have therapy today. I also need to get a bed frame so I'll be able to put things under my bed to store. 'CAuse there's seriously no room for all of my shit at my parents.

Moving fucking sucks. Especially if you're moving somewhere that you don't want to. Blah.

Dream - Priscilla Ahn

say you love me, say you don't - I can make my own mistakes

I'm at the beginningish of working fourteen days in a row. Yeah. Fourteen.

Starting Tuesday September 28th and ending Monday October 11th.

In that time, I have to move out of my apartment, clean the apartment so that I can get my deposit back, get my room at my parents to be liveable, find somewhere to store some of this furniture and the washer and dryer, get contacts, and get two doctors appointments in before my health insurance expires. Blah.

FML.

Before it Breaks - Brandi Carlile

I won't let him in, but I'm a sucker for his charm

Birthdays are stupid. And pointless. And everyone just ends up letting you down anyway.

Fuck birthdays.

I spent my birthday with rum by myself in my room, IMing Mojito and talking about how much I hate my life.

Drinking with friends is a party. Drinking alone is a depressant.

I need to get out of the midwest and actually start making steps to improving my life. The upside to this shitty birthday? At leasy I won't miss anyone when I'm gone.

Trouble is a Friend - Lenka

fuck you, fuck you very, very much

Got canceled on last minute again tonight by the same guy. Whatever.

So it's my birthday in two days. I'm not excited because I've already passed all of the ages that you're supposed to look forward to. Twenty-two is just... pointless. I lose my health insurance. ... Yay.

Going to IHOP in a few hours, then tomorrow I close food avenue and then I'm going to Hacienda followed by a gay bar with B and a couple of lesbians. :)

Fuck You - Lily Allen

I get back up and I do it again

So moving back in with the parents? Yeah. It's going to happen. Just for a few months. I'll figure something out. I will, I will.

But to treat myself to something for all of my hard work this past year, I'm going to take a trip. DC, Boston, and NYC. That's right, bitches.

More details later.

Why Do You Love Me? - Garbage

I suffer mornings most of all

So my roommate decided that he's moving out. I don't blame him, he's got somewhere else to stay for free - hell, I'd take it too.

I'm just disappointed. Another chapter in my life is about to end, and I need to figure out where the next one will take place. My mother wants me to move back in with her, but there are many reasons why that would be a very bad idea.

- My dad is crazy. Like, used to be a meth addict, is still an alcoholic, loves his whiskey, crazy. Drama ensues.

- It's out in the middle of nowhere. I'd have to drive at least forty minutes to get to work.

- I can't have people over whenever I want because my dad is scary. Namely boys. Boys that I want to sleep with.

- I'll feel like a failure for moving back in with my parents. I'm about to turn twenty-two. C'mon.

- I have nowhere to put all of my furniture and shit.

- WHERE THE FUCK WOULD I HAVE MY HARRY POTTER PARTY?

These are all very important factors.

I'm looking into finding another apartment. Moving back in with the parents, though practical financially wise, would really fucking suck.

Have to Drive - Amanda Palmer

I want to change the world, instead I sleep

Do you ever wake up and think, "shit, it's gotta be really early still." and look at the clock and it's FUCKING ONE IN THE AFTERNOON.

I hate waking up and feeling like I didn't sleep at all. I had really stupid dreams about Target. Okay, so this was weird... I had a dream that I had cleaned out the popcorn machine and I still had bags of popcorn in there with the warmer on so they would still be hot. And apparently, in my dream world, the warmer kept them so hot that all of the seeds that were still in the bag popped and there was a big mess of popcorn all up in the machine that I had JUST cleaned.

Working this much just sucks and gives me dreams that make no sense. :(

Still haven't heard back from stand up guy. It's been... what? Two days. I'm not one of those girls who get really upset about boys and stuff, but I still feel like he's treated me pretty shitty so far.

So yeah.

I've opened word every single day and I've changed the font to Tahoma and I sat there and stared at it, and still haven't written anything. I suck.

Keep Breathing - Ingrid Michaelson

tell me about the sky

Being let down really sucks. I had plans last night to have a kind of "date" with this new guy, who is NOT named Matt. We were going to watch 500 Days of Summer and probably have sex. I spent like, two hours cleaning my room, an hour in the shower, and I get out of the shower and I have a message saying "I can't make it tonight. Sorry. I'll text you"

Whatever.

So I cried and I'm really embarrassed to admit that, but I couldn't help it. I haven't cried in a while, and it was all built up, and I got my hopes about it, and I just got really upset. So my friend that I've been carpooling with all summer to that theme park came over and we watched Grey's Anatomy and ate peanut butter cup Edy's ice cream. I have no name for her, we shall call her Shelby.

It made me feel better,but I'm still really bummed. I just feel rejected.

Blah.

Man From Milwaukee - Hanson (no, I'm serious.)

cut it and fill it in, whatever it takes

So I have this thing where I imagine fan made videos on YouTube about my television show when I hear certain songs. Like, I hear a song, and I'm like, "I hope someone makes a really sweet fan video for Notches with this song."

So then I'm thinking, maybe I'll just make an alias on YouTube, and make my own super awesome fanvids, and see if I get any hate mail for not being true to the characters or something. Or better yet, I could do really silly messed up pairings and see how many people flip out.

This is the things that I think about when I'm stuck in a tower for two hours straight. It's lovely, right?

Just watched the movie "Timer" starring Emma Caufield, who I'm in love with. It was a great movie, definitely recommend it. :)

Goodnight all.

Cover Your Eyes - Straylight Run

I'm sick of all the insincere

This is my second day off in a row. Do you know how long it's been since I've had two consecutive days off? A long fucking time.

Last time I went on a sort of date. Had 99 cent margaritas and dinner with Almost and we went back to the apartment, did some dirty things, and then B came over for pizza and a movie. It was a very complete night. :)

I also got my hair cut, and even my roommate said that it looked nice. Which is a huge compliment, 'cause he never compliments me. Haha. Just 'cause he's a penis face.

No, no, I have not started writing, give me time to have sex and alcohol and a social life, damn it.

In due time, darlings.

Secrets - OneRepublic

she's a mess

So the other day I was working really hard and fast and I kept having to cross this track at the roller coaster to close the exit gate and then cross back over to push the dispatch button. And I thought to myself, I'm gonna fall. I'm gonna fall and twist my ankle. I see this happening.

Well, I didn't twist my ankle. I did fall once, but it was one of those, "yep, I'm gonna fall so I'll just let it."

Yesterday I was at a really easy ride where there's nothing to fall or trip on. I twisted my ankle.

Just a little insight to how stupid *I* am.

Dance in the Dark - Lady Gaga

no, they don't know who I really am, and they don't know what I've been through like you do

I will start writing again.

I will, I will.

The Story - Brandi Carlile

for those who still can recall the desperate colors of fall

I really can't stand summer anymore. I'm sick of wearing my hair up, sick tank tops, sick of having to keep the A/C on, I'm sick of summer. I want the colors that come with fall, I want cool nights and light jackets and all of the kids to go back to school.

I want to carve a pumpkin for Halloween, 'cause I haven't done it in a million years. I want my birthday to be here in September so people will give me things for no reason. I want a giant cookie cake from the mall with tons of icing, I want free drinks at the bar, and I want to wear leggings.

Please summer, go away so we can have new episodes of all of our favorite shows. So I won't have to work at this stupid theme park anymore and so I can get my hair cut.

So there. :(

The Sword & the Pen by Regina Spektor

monster, how should I feel?

Raise your hand if you've ever looked at your life and thought, "is this it?"

I feel so pathetic. I see people from high school that I used to know, and I'm wearing khakis. People ask me at work all of the time if I'm in college. Like, guests. People I've never met before. And I'm like, "not right now, I can't afford it." I should start lying and be like, "Yeah." That's all.

Yeah. I'm in college, damn it.

Only I'm not. 'Cause I'm a poor bitch who works two jobs dealing with the public. The public fucking sucks. People are dicks and they piss me off. :(

I need to get back to writing. I started. Sort of. It's either this chair's not comfortable enough, or the keyboard's in an awkward position on this desk... I do need to get a computer desk that was made after computers were invented. This desk was my grandmother's and it is the worst computer desk. Ever.

okay, well, I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open: bed time! Night.

Monster by Meg & Dia

I don't need you physically around

I'm pretty sure that I'm probably a bad person for doing something that I'm about to do.

I got on AIM for the first time in a million years last night, and who should come a callin' but Mojito.

I met this guy last year, back in November. He talked to me online, and we ended up meeting up and had mojitos and drunk sex. I found out not long after that he had a girlfriend, but he told me that she was a crazy bitch. I didn't really mind, because I'm really not interested in dating at this point.

So we hooked up a couple of extra times. A friend of mine is best friends with his girlfriend, which is how he admitted that he had a girlfriend. I mentioned this friend and he was like, "wait a minute, what's her last name?" So yeah. Small world? It was pretty insane.

Then this said friend mentioned that her friend was getting married.

huhwtf? So he confirmed it. And I was like, that's the end of that, 'cause that's not a crazy bitch girlfriend, that's a fucking fiance that he lied about.

Well, he and I haven't spoken since January. He messaged me last night and basically it was like, "aren't you married now?" "lol, fuck no." "oh" *more talking* "lol, wanna hook up?" :/

He's coming over tonight. And I'm unaffected by this. I know that he only IMed me to hook up, and I really don't care. I'm not into all of this girlfriend/boyfriend drama shit, I'm really only into enjoying being twenty-one. So if some guy who I had pretty decent sex wants to hook up, I'm probably gonna take it.

So that's that. I'm probably a bad person, but this is the part where I don't care. Well, I apparently care enough to make a blog about it, but um... rawr.

Voice on Tape - Jenny Owen Youngs

well, I think she's a bitch.

I knew that working six days a week for the entire summer was going to be difficult. I knew that working at that theme park and that working at Target and working around sixty hours a week was going to be tough.

But shit son.

I'm so over this.

I thought that I'd be able to have something to blog about. Things to talk about, people to make fun of, rants to get out, but I'm so exhausted and tired of the general public that writing about it is the furthest thing from my mind. So I'll leave you with this:

Three weeks until I get partial social life back.

I'm getting so drunk.

Do-Wah-Doo - Kate Nash

relentless, yes, it's true. my motor mouth runs over you.

I'm pretty sure that in Notches (my television series) there's going to be a small road trip between two characters at the end of season two, and somehow, some way they will end up in Sulfur, Indiana. Not only have I accidently passed through there lost on the interstate, but now B has happened upon it.

I'm just saying.

I'm sunburnt. I think that there should be a law that says that middle school kids can't be douche bags. Really, anyone shouldn't be a douche bag, but I really hate middle school aged kids. When I was in middle school, and an authority figure gave me some kind of command or told me that I wasn't supposed to do something, I generally listened. I didn't give lip.

I just realized that being sunburnt and middle school kids being in the same paragraph didn't make sense. I'm sunburnt from work, I hate middle school kids from work. Are you there yet?

I've almost finished season four of Supernatural, then I will start on a new show because season five isn't out on dvd yet. I love Supernatural now. It's lovely. Jenson Ackles is one of the most gorgeous men alive and I can think of many dirty things that I would do to that man.

Speaking of being dirty, I got a text on Friday from Almost Matt. And he came over. And we fooled around. The next day? I woke up and my body literally said "fuck you." I was so sore. And as I was watching Supernatural and they were talking about dying young, I thought "If I'm dying, then I want to wake up feeling this sore EVERY day."

y'know?

So I'm making like, four hundred dollars this week at the theme park. Isn't that amazing? That's rent, electric, and a little bit to go toward my credit card. I'm living off of bare minimum right now. I haven't eaten out in a while (unless you count splitting an appetizer with B for 99 cent margarita nights which literally ended up being $5 after tip), and I'm packing really cheap lunches and eating my pasta without meat. C'mon, you can get that laptop by the end of this summer...

So I built my perfect laptop on Dell.com, because as much as I'd love a mac - they're really expensive and I'm not used to them - and it will cost me around $1200. Dammmn. It'll be worth it though, and I can't wait until I've got my own computer again with my music and ahh.

Well, I need to sleep now. I know that I should update this more, even if no one ever reads it. I like writing in it.

Alligator by Tegan and Sara

you lay your hands on my chest

There are many things that I hate about living out in the country. The country boys? They're one of them. Of course, where I live currently, is the 'big city' in my area. Still can't get rid of the obnoxious country boys.

B dragged me out to the river last night. Yeah, the river. (She promised me Olive Garden. How could I resist?)

She'd met this guy at the gas station that she works at. He's nineteen, which feels like an eternity ago and makes me feel kind of old. She is twenty-three, I'm twenty-one. So yeah. We were older. Not by a significant amount, but still. Old feely.

Anyway, he asks for B's number and she was like, "whatever." And gave it to him! C'mon, dude. So this country boy (CB) brought along his country boy friend (CBF) and we met them at the gas station. CBF didn't want to go the river, and B was practically begging for him to come along. And he said that he had to work in the morning, and that he'd leave CB with B and take me home and trade off in the morning. "I'll bring 'er back in one piece."

Can we say ick?

Someone please give me a bunch of money so I can get out of here.

Anyway, B took me to Olive Garden today and bought me lunch and a peach sangria and there was enough leftovers for dinner, so I'm very satisfied. :)

B and I are freaks, though. We sat at the dam, at five in the morning, with CB just kind of hanging (CBF left a long time ago) and started saying "penis" back and forth, getting louder. We were screaming "PENIS" by the end, and like... thirty seconds later, a jogger runs by. And we just started cracking up and he goes, "I was wonderin' what the hell was going on," and kept jogging by. Oh, I almost died. It was lovely...

Finished Torchwood today. Saw it at Coconuts and almost peed myself, because it was season two! And I picked it up and almost went straight to the cashier... until I looked at that silly thing called price. $80! Seriously, dude? I was so sad. I really want season two, if not all of the series, but I'm not spending eighty bucks on it. Maybe some day, when I'm rich, right?

So yeah. Maybe watching fan made youtube videos of Dollhouse were a bad idea, because I'm seriously missing that show and it reminds me of how depressed I was when I found out that it was being canceled. It also reminds me of the guy who sent me his penis text and fell off of the face of the earth. I kind of really liked him. (It reminds me 'cause I was watching the new episodes at the same time I was talking to him...fyi.)

Okay, well... Work the next few days. I think I'm off tomorrow unless they call me in. I'm seriously poor lately. It sucks really bad. :(

First in Line by Matthew Mayfield

my love's too big for you, my love

Let's just say that Torchwood is definitely a new favorite show now. Season 2 was just... wow. I don't want to ruin it for anyone who might be reading, because I hate spoilers like whoa. But when I first heard about the show, I thought that I was going to hate it. I saw the season 3 finale, because my friend all but forced me to watch it with him. And I was confused. But it was very interesting.

I finally decided back in... oh, December? To watch the first season. I enjoyed it. Enough to eventually watch the second season. I just now wrapped it up, and I was in love by the middle. And then I saw the finale. And I KNEW that this person dies, so I was anticipating it. But when I actually sat there and watched it, it literally broke my heart. I cried so hard that I found myself reaching for my phone to call someone... anyone.

I called B. She talked to me for a little while, and ended up having nightmares about a show that she's only seen one episode to. I make such an impact on everyone's life, eh?

So we decided that she should watch the season two finale to get some closure. No closure. She was crying by the end and claiming "I hate this fucking show."

We're opposites in this department. I LOVE things that make me cry. I can't explain it, but I feel closer to fictional characters than I'll ever allow me to feel around real people.

So there's that. I definitely recommend Torchwood to anyone who has good taste. Get through the first season, it's good, but not mind-blowing. Wait until the second season. Fuckkk. It was amazing.

Started season 3, which is only five episodes. Still exciting. I already know how it ends, but the children freaked me out already. I love it.

I've also started Supernatural. B started telling me ALL about it and I told her to stfu because I'm really sick of people ruining things for me. I hate spoilers. Really.

So there's that.

My roommate and I had margaritas Monday night.

So imagine this. I'm waiting for B and Matt to get home, and I start making dinner. (fried chicken and green bean caserole 'cause I'm a country girl.) I have a couple of vanilla vodka spiked cokes. Then we go out to get margaritas. I drink four. Matt, who is ten years older than me and much more experienced at drinking than me, had a hard time keeping up with my alcohol intake.

Then we go home and he and I have more vodka and sit out on the balcony. My roommate has an herb garden out there. So we started making names up for the different herbs, but they had to be boy names ('cause we're both fans of boys) and it had to start with the same letter as the herb. Here's what we came up with:

Lex the Lavendar
Benny the Basil
Manuel (aka Manny) the Mint
Cesar the Cilantro
Pedro the Parsley

We also named the spider that lives out there Bruno. :)

We're lovely, y'know?

So there's that. Television. Alcohol. And herbs.

(Sort Of by Ingrid Michaelson)

I must eat so many lemons, 'cause I am so bitter.

Whoever decided that on a specific day every week, there should be margaritas for a buck, was a genius. B and I went for these the night before last, and it was bliss. Plain ol' lime margaritas with salt around the rim, a lesbian singing country songs, and me. Lovely.

I worked tonight. I closed the food avenue section at Target. I also decided that it would be a good idea to leave my window open last night, and now my nose and throat have said "fuck you, bitch." Mix that with a back ache, and it made work very not fun.

I think that this guy who works there was flirting with me today. Which is refreshing and very much welcomed. I had a run-in with a guy that works there back in January, who offered to sleep with me. And I almost did it, but it felt awkward. I'm twenty-one, as I've mentioned before. He was seventeen. At the moment. But half an hour later, he turned eighteen. So he was legal, but it still felt like I'd be a cradle robber and felt like some kind of illegal, so I turned him down.

I turned a cute, barely legal boy down. But did I feel hot? Fuck yeah.

Plus, I had already been juggling... three guys, at the time. Oh, I miss that. I felt so hot, y'know?

First there was Mojito. I met him online and he wanted to hang out with me and have drinks. He came to my apartment, we drank mojitos and ended up having drunk sex. Turns out, he had a girlfriend. Who was apparently crazy and threatened to kill herself when he tried to break up with her. So I continued being a dirty mistress two more times until I found out that he was engaged. Ohh, Mojito. Mr. "can't we still be friends?"

Then there's Almost. And I call him Almost because we almost had sex, but not exactly. We still meet up every so often, when he's in the area. He goes to college pretty far away. When he comes home for break though? We just almost sex it up in the shower.

And then there was LA. I never met him in person, but if I had ever fallen in like with someone, it was him. Perfect guy for me. Well, almost. There was that whole liking kids thing, and that whole super long distance thing. It ended strangely. I told him that I liked him, he returned the feeling. Then he didn't talk to me for a week, blocked me on IM, and then a week later sent me a text message with a picture of his penis. Then fell off of the face of the earth again. Still a bit confused about that one...

I've pretty much decided that dating and relationships just aren't for me. But still, being flirted with, nice. And having sex? Definitely one of my favorite things. Along with Bath and Body Works, showers, sleeping, and vanilla vodka.

I have to get up bright and early tomorrow to finish up my training at the theme park. Then I'm going to my mom's to visit with her, because she's been sad after her cousin died. And my dad, well he's just insane.

So a few things about my dad. He used to be a meth head. He's been an alcoholic since I was born, and he's insane. Seriously.

So he went to the dr. not long ago and they told me his liver was bad. Big surprise, huh? Also, he has an aneurysm in his stomach. So they want to do an ultra sound and for some reason, they've got him taking steriods. A lot in a short amount of time. Which is, obviously, going to make him even more crazy.

One morning last week, my mom was getting ready for work (she works at a gas station) and my dad was being all weird and crazier than usual. She was at work in the middle of the day and some guy was standing outside, talking with her. (There's this thing about small towns where retired men have nothing better to do than stand around in a gas station and talk.) My dad pulls up in his big, ugly truck and starts cussing the guy out for talking to my mom. Threatening this guy. Acting like a complete and total dumbass.

Then he goes into the store and starts yelling at my mom. Cussing her out. The guy leaves and as he's driving away, takes a picture of my dad's liscense plate with his cell phone. Well, that just makes my dad crazy. The guy calls the cops and they show up, my dad's already left by now. My mom talks to the cop, telling him that the situation is under control and that he's gone and that he's not coming back. So that's that.

Until a few days later when the guy that my dad yelled at files a restraining order stating that my dad can't come within a thousand feet of him. So my dad throws a fit and my mom pretty much tells him that he was being stupid, acting like a high schooler, and that it's his own damn fault.

So he starts cussing her out, follows her out to her car while she's trying to go to work. And then he left, and was gone for a few days.

Now readers, I can't express to you how many times in my life my dad has left. The countless times my dad has gotten angry over nothing, or over something that he has done to himself, blamed it on us, and left.

Apparently he came back home, but my mom hasn't talked to him. So tomorrow I'm going to see her to show her that I love her and hopefully my dad will die soon.

Which is a terrible thing to say, but when you make people miserable your whole life, how many people are actual going to be hoping that you live to see tomorrow? My dad's diabetic. When I was little, I used to make him cookies. How fucked up am I?

Dad's insane, though. He's a topic that I try to avoid, but I definitely have some very interesting stories about that bastard. In the seventh grade, he tried to kill my mom. That was fun times! The best, was when everything was said and done, he came back home and everyone expected my sister and I to act as though nothing had happened. Which is bullshit and what kind of thirteen year-old should have to deal with that? Am I right?

So tomorrow. Theme park, visiting with my mom, and then the gay bar with B! I think we're going there anyway. I hope, 'cause I could use some drag queens and alcohol. Even if we don't go there, though. My roommate bought me a bottle of vanilla vodka to make up for a lot of the alcohol he's drank of mine. Oh, I love my roommate. He roasted a chicken tonight. It was godly.

It's 11:11, make a wish!

(Title is "Foundations" by Kate Nash.)

Call, break my own heart.

I almost feel bad for turning down a shift at Target today. I think that it was completely and totally understandable, though... It was for Tuesday. Night.

I can't work on Tuesday nights because Glee just came back. I told my boss that I had already made plans for Tuesday evening. Which I did! I plan on sitting on my ass with my best friend and watching Glee and probably eating junk food.

Ooh. You know what I haven't had in a good, long time? A Buffy marathon. All summer my ex-best friend (who we can call M) and I would go to the store, buy tons of junk food and a box of pasta roni, and watch a ton of Buffy episodes. Afterwards, we'd usually go to the park and swing until we were too tired to stay up.

We were very healthy people.

I miss those days... Junk food, Buffy, and swings. Who could ask for more?

Watched a movie with my best friend tonight. We'll call her B. (I really need to think of pretend names, don't I?)

B is crazy. I'm pretty sure that we share a brain. She text me yesterday to say "I saw a dog that looked like a hiena!" And I said "It must've been Xander!" And she was like, "That's exactly what I thought!" ... We're dorks. Actually, she used to be cool until she met me and I turned her into a dork. A Buffy loving, Glee obsessed, Dollhouse crazy dork.

I'm so influential. It's actually kind of true. When I met M he was this quiet, lonely freshman. Not so much anymore. He's a bit of a sociopath now, but that's not entirely my fault. ...

Waiting for B to get her ass ready, we're going for $.99 margaritas at Applebee's tonight. I haven't drank since before my surgery, so I'm excited for a girl's night out. This is my first time to ever have margaritas too, so we'll see how this goes, right?

Leave me alone, I waited until I turned twenty-one to drink. I haven't tried it all yet.

I also use song lyrics as my titles. I should start posting the name of the song, eh? The first entry was I Wake Up Exhausted by Tegan and Sara. This one is Call it Off by Tegan and Sara. I'm kind of in my Tegan and Sara phase right now. Noticed?

I wake up exhausted

So this is my first post, 'cause the other one wasn't a real post. Hi!

I'm not using my real name on this blog. This blog is for me to be able to express myself freely, and bitch and moan about work. For the sake of having a name to call me, we will call me Erika. She's a character on the television series that I'm writing, and she's a little bit alter-egoy.

I mostly started this to write about my summer. My summer will consist of working two jobs: A theme park and Target. I will be exhausted. I will have to deal with so many stupid people, and, for my sanity and your entertainment, I will write about it. If you are a stupid person, you might get offended. Sorry 'bout ya.

So I'll just start this by saying that no one should have to have surgery ever again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it can save your life and it can improve your life, but it sucks hardcore. No, not the surgery part, that wasn't so bad. But anyone who is a semi-grown-up but not really a grown-up and is paying rent and working a job where you can't take a paid leave, knows that this sucks. It sucks hard.

I got my tonsils taken out three weeks ago. When I went to the ENT (ear, nose, and throat) he told me that they need to come out. Then he went on to tell me that the recovery time would take 2-3 weeks. Wait a second, WEEKS? Yeah. Weeks.

Because I'm at the ripe old age of 21. I realized then that I was reaching adulthood. The first thing that popped into my head was not "oh noes, the pain!" It was "fuck, what am I gonna do about work?"

That's right. Work. Are they going to let me off for that long without firing me? How am I going to pay rent? These were my main concerns. My job and rent.

It's been a long process of getting back to work. Yeah. Work. The recovering from surgery part? Yeah, that sucked. But I'm really not thinking about it anymore, and couldn't really think about it WHILE I was in pain, because I'm poor.

And they fucked up at work, so I'm not even on the goddamn schedule. Son of a bitch.

Theme park wants me, though! I spent six hours training on Friday. It would've been more, except I had to drive an hour back home to go to therapy! So the next morning, I was right back at the theme park for nine more hours. I am so sunburnt. Keep in mind, it had been nearly three weeks since I'd done anything very physical. Riding with my friend to wal-mart to get ice cream felt like a big trip when I was doped up on pain killers and crying from the sore throat pain.

I'm exhausted. I ended up working at Target for about six hours today, my roommate wanted to recover from his hangover. (Yes, I met my roommate at work. Aren't we cute?) This hangover that he got from going out to the gay bar with MY BEST FRIEND while I passed out in bed from being so exhausted. Those bitches.

Oh, but seeing him drunk before I went to bed (he's a huge fan of pre-gaming) was the funniest shit ever. We're so mean to each other, in a joking way. While he was drunk I told him to go to hell and he was in the other room, so he yelled at me through the door "You go to... heaven! ... With Jesus...!" Yes, my roommate is lovely.

We'll call him Matt. Because there's a shit ton of Matt's all over the world. This is his real name. But that's okay, because the last three guys that I've slept with? Were all named Matt. Isn't that weird? My ex-best friend's name was Matt. My best friend in the second grade's name was Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Seriously. It's not even a pretty name!

So yeah. Today I worked at Target and we had this special promotion for Earth Month. Is it really an Earth MONTH? I thought it was just an Earth DAY, and that's on Tuesday. But whatever, I'm a fan of going green anyway. We gave out free reusable bags with a purchase. Which is pretty nifty, 'cause I love reusable bags.

Anyway, there's this guy who I think is a little slow. In the head, I mean. And he works there as a cashier. And the deal was that you just gave a reusable bag per transaction. No matter what. Even if they bought a pack of gum. Give them a mother fucking bag. I just automatically opened a bag and started bagging their stuff with it. It's common sense isn't it?

So this guy, and we'll call him R was at the register behind me. And EVERY person that went through his line, he was would say "do you want a bag?" ... .. JUST GIVE THEM THE FUCKING BAG. Not just that he would say it, but the way he talks it's hard to understand him. He kind of stutters it out all at once, and it's just hard to understand what he's saying.

Every person would go, "I'm sorry?" or "What?" Because DUDE, obviously people want their shit in a bag when they check out. So then he decided that he would be a little smarter and say "do you want a bag? they're free." And then it went to "do you want a free bag?"

But seriously! Just give them the fucking bag. Don't ask everyone if they want a bag! Obviously, if you get something for free, you're going to want it. Unless it's like, a bloody tampon. You know?

It just really got on my nerves.

People. Are. Stupid.

So yeah.

"About Me"

Apparently this was too long for the About Me section, so I'm posting it on here. So there.

There are a few things that you need to know about me.

1. I work at a theme park. I can't say which theme park, because it's against the rules. Just know that it's out in the midwest middle of nowhere. I operate rides. I am a ride operator.

2. I also work in retail. I doubt it matters if I put the name of the store, because it's Target. There are many, many Targets. And I'm not using my real name, so you'll never find me! I work as a cashier, and I work in the food avenue area. Mainly.

3. I love Joss Whedon. He is a brilliant man.

4. I'm a television major. Big suprise there, eh? I used to go to college, but now I'm poor. Yay. I want to write my own television series some day. It's called... Notches!

5. I'm atheist. I'm not a douche bag atheist who thinks that anyone who isn't is stupid. I'm just a nice, (semi) wholesome girl from down yander who believes that there is nothing. 'kay?

6. I swear. A lot. Especially when I rant. It's this thing that I do.

7. I love the homosexual community. My roommate is gay. Most of my friends, are gay. If you do not like the gay, you do not like to read my blog. :)

8. Relationships are not for me. I'd rather write about love... and destroy it, than actually be in it. It's a painful experience.

9. I used to be really depressed and I came from a very bad home life. It sucked. I'm over it.

10. I feel like a complete dumbass for making a list. :(