you lay your hands on my chest

There are many things that I hate about living out in the country. The country boys? They're one of them. Of course, where I live currently, is the 'big city' in my area. Still can't get rid of the obnoxious country boys.

B dragged me out to the river last night. Yeah, the river. (She promised me Olive Garden. How could I resist?)

She'd met this guy at the gas station that she works at. He's nineteen, which feels like an eternity ago and makes me feel kind of old. She is twenty-three, I'm twenty-one. So yeah. We were older. Not by a significant amount, but still. Old feely.

Anyway, he asks for B's number and she was like, "whatever." And gave it to him! C'mon, dude. So this country boy (CB) brought along his country boy friend (CBF) and we met them at the gas station. CBF didn't want to go the river, and B was practically begging for him to come along. And he said that he had to work in the morning, and that he'd leave CB with B and take me home and trade off in the morning. "I'll bring 'er back in one piece."

Can we say ick?

Someone please give me a bunch of money so I can get out of here.

Anyway, B took me to Olive Garden today and bought me lunch and a peach sangria and there was enough leftovers for dinner, so I'm very satisfied. :)

B and I are freaks, though. We sat at the dam, at five in the morning, with CB just kind of hanging (CBF left a long time ago) and started saying "penis" back and forth, getting louder. We were screaming "PENIS" by the end, and like... thirty seconds later, a jogger runs by. And we just started cracking up and he goes, "I was wonderin' what the hell was going on," and kept jogging by. Oh, I almost died. It was lovely...

Finished Torchwood today. Saw it at Coconuts and almost peed myself, because it was season two! And I picked it up and almost went straight to the cashier... until I looked at that silly thing called price. $80! Seriously, dude? I was so sad. I really want season two, if not all of the series, but I'm not spending eighty bucks on it. Maybe some day, when I'm rich, right?

So yeah. Maybe watching fan made youtube videos of Dollhouse were a bad idea, because I'm seriously missing that show and it reminds me of how depressed I was when I found out that it was being canceled. It also reminds me of the guy who sent me his penis text and fell off of the face of the earth. I kind of really liked him. (It reminds me 'cause I was watching the new episodes at the same time I was talking to him...fyi.)

Okay, well... Work the next few days. I think I'm off tomorrow unless they call me in. I'm seriously poor lately. It sucks really bad. :(

First in Line by Matthew Mayfield

my love's too big for you, my love

Let's just say that Torchwood is definitely a new favorite show now. Season 2 was just... wow. I don't want to ruin it for anyone who might be reading, because I hate spoilers like whoa. But when I first heard about the show, I thought that I was going to hate it. I saw the season 3 finale, because my friend all but forced me to watch it with him. And I was confused. But it was very interesting.

I finally decided back in... oh, December? To watch the first season. I enjoyed it. Enough to eventually watch the second season. I just now wrapped it up, and I was in love by the middle. And then I saw the finale. And I KNEW that this person dies, so I was anticipating it. But when I actually sat there and watched it, it literally broke my heart. I cried so hard that I found myself reaching for my phone to call someone... anyone.

I called B. She talked to me for a little while, and ended up having nightmares about a show that she's only seen one episode to. I make such an impact on everyone's life, eh?

So we decided that she should watch the season two finale to get some closure. No closure. She was crying by the end and claiming "I hate this fucking show."

We're opposites in this department. I LOVE things that make me cry. I can't explain it, but I feel closer to fictional characters than I'll ever allow me to feel around real people.

So there's that. I definitely recommend Torchwood to anyone who has good taste. Get through the first season, it's good, but not mind-blowing. Wait until the second season. Fuckkk. It was amazing.

Started season 3, which is only five episodes. Still exciting. I already know how it ends, but the children freaked me out already. I love it.

I've also started Supernatural. B started telling me ALL about it and I told her to stfu because I'm really sick of people ruining things for me. I hate spoilers. Really.

So there's that.

My roommate and I had margaritas Monday night.

So imagine this. I'm waiting for B and Matt to get home, and I start making dinner. (fried chicken and green bean caserole 'cause I'm a country girl.) I have a couple of vanilla vodka spiked cokes. Then we go out to get margaritas. I drink four. Matt, who is ten years older than me and much more experienced at drinking than me, had a hard time keeping up with my alcohol intake.

Then we go home and he and I have more vodka and sit out on the balcony. My roommate has an herb garden out there. So we started making names up for the different herbs, but they had to be boy names ('cause we're both fans of boys) and it had to start with the same letter as the herb. Here's what we came up with:

Lex the Lavendar
Benny the Basil
Manuel (aka Manny) the Mint
Cesar the Cilantro
Pedro the Parsley

We also named the spider that lives out there Bruno. :)

We're lovely, y'know?

So there's that. Television. Alcohol. And herbs.

(Sort Of by Ingrid Michaelson)

I must eat so many lemons, 'cause I am so bitter.

Whoever decided that on a specific day every week, there should be margaritas for a buck, was a genius. B and I went for these the night before last, and it was bliss. Plain ol' lime margaritas with salt around the rim, a lesbian singing country songs, and me. Lovely.

I worked tonight. I closed the food avenue section at Target. I also decided that it would be a good idea to leave my window open last night, and now my nose and throat have said "fuck you, bitch." Mix that with a back ache, and it made work very not fun.

I think that this guy who works there was flirting with me today. Which is refreshing and very much welcomed. I had a run-in with a guy that works there back in January, who offered to sleep with me. And I almost did it, but it felt awkward. I'm twenty-one, as I've mentioned before. He was seventeen. At the moment. But half an hour later, he turned eighteen. So he was legal, but it still felt like I'd be a cradle robber and felt like some kind of illegal, so I turned him down.

I turned a cute, barely legal boy down. But did I feel hot? Fuck yeah.

Plus, I had already been juggling... three guys, at the time. Oh, I miss that. I felt so hot, y'know?

First there was Mojito. I met him online and he wanted to hang out with me and have drinks. He came to my apartment, we drank mojitos and ended up having drunk sex. Turns out, he had a girlfriend. Who was apparently crazy and threatened to kill herself when he tried to break up with her. So I continued being a dirty mistress two more times until I found out that he was engaged. Ohh, Mojito. Mr. "can't we still be friends?"

Then there's Almost. And I call him Almost because we almost had sex, but not exactly. We still meet up every so often, when he's in the area. He goes to college pretty far away. When he comes home for break though? We just almost sex it up in the shower.

And then there was LA. I never met him in person, but if I had ever fallen in like with someone, it was him. Perfect guy for me. Well, almost. There was that whole liking kids thing, and that whole super long distance thing. It ended strangely. I told him that I liked him, he returned the feeling. Then he didn't talk to me for a week, blocked me on IM, and then a week later sent me a text message with a picture of his penis. Then fell off of the face of the earth again. Still a bit confused about that one...

I've pretty much decided that dating and relationships just aren't for me. But still, being flirted with, nice. And having sex? Definitely one of my favorite things. Along with Bath and Body Works, showers, sleeping, and vanilla vodka.

I have to get up bright and early tomorrow to finish up my training at the theme park. Then I'm going to my mom's to visit with her, because she's been sad after her cousin died. And my dad, well he's just insane.

So a few things about my dad. He used to be a meth head. He's been an alcoholic since I was born, and he's insane. Seriously.

So he went to the dr. not long ago and they told me his liver was bad. Big surprise, huh? Also, he has an aneurysm in his stomach. So they want to do an ultra sound and for some reason, they've got him taking steriods. A lot in a short amount of time. Which is, obviously, going to make him even more crazy.

One morning last week, my mom was getting ready for work (she works at a gas station) and my dad was being all weird and crazier than usual. She was at work in the middle of the day and some guy was standing outside, talking with her. (There's this thing about small towns where retired men have nothing better to do than stand around in a gas station and talk.) My dad pulls up in his big, ugly truck and starts cussing the guy out for talking to my mom. Threatening this guy. Acting like a complete and total dumbass.

Then he goes into the store and starts yelling at my mom. Cussing her out. The guy leaves and as he's driving away, takes a picture of my dad's liscense plate with his cell phone. Well, that just makes my dad crazy. The guy calls the cops and they show up, my dad's already left by now. My mom talks to the cop, telling him that the situation is under control and that he's gone and that he's not coming back. So that's that.

Until a few days later when the guy that my dad yelled at files a restraining order stating that my dad can't come within a thousand feet of him. So my dad throws a fit and my mom pretty much tells him that he was being stupid, acting like a high schooler, and that it's his own damn fault.

So he starts cussing her out, follows her out to her car while she's trying to go to work. And then he left, and was gone for a few days.

Now readers, I can't express to you how many times in my life my dad has left. The countless times my dad has gotten angry over nothing, or over something that he has done to himself, blamed it on us, and left.

Apparently he came back home, but my mom hasn't talked to him. So tomorrow I'm going to see her to show her that I love her and hopefully my dad will die soon.

Which is a terrible thing to say, but when you make people miserable your whole life, how many people are actual going to be hoping that you live to see tomorrow? My dad's diabetic. When I was little, I used to make him cookies. How fucked up am I?

Dad's insane, though. He's a topic that I try to avoid, but I definitely have some very interesting stories about that bastard. In the seventh grade, he tried to kill my mom. That was fun times! The best, was when everything was said and done, he came back home and everyone expected my sister and I to act as though nothing had happened. Which is bullshit and what kind of thirteen year-old should have to deal with that? Am I right?

So tomorrow. Theme park, visiting with my mom, and then the gay bar with B! I think we're going there anyway. I hope, 'cause I could use some drag queens and alcohol. Even if we don't go there, though. My roommate bought me a bottle of vanilla vodka to make up for a lot of the alcohol he's drank of mine. Oh, I love my roommate. He roasted a chicken tonight. It was godly.

It's 11:11, make a wish!

(Title is "Foundations" by Kate Nash.)

Call, break my own heart.

I almost feel bad for turning down a shift at Target today. I think that it was completely and totally understandable, though... It was for Tuesday. Night.

I can't work on Tuesday nights because Glee just came back. I told my boss that I had already made plans for Tuesday evening. Which I did! I plan on sitting on my ass with my best friend and watching Glee and probably eating junk food.

Ooh. You know what I haven't had in a good, long time? A Buffy marathon. All summer my ex-best friend (who we can call M) and I would go to the store, buy tons of junk food and a box of pasta roni, and watch a ton of Buffy episodes. Afterwards, we'd usually go to the park and swing until we were too tired to stay up.

We were very healthy people.

I miss those days... Junk food, Buffy, and swings. Who could ask for more?

Watched a movie with my best friend tonight. We'll call her B. (I really need to think of pretend names, don't I?)

B is crazy. I'm pretty sure that we share a brain. She text me yesterday to say "I saw a dog that looked like a hiena!" And I said "It must've been Xander!" And she was like, "That's exactly what I thought!" ... We're dorks. Actually, she used to be cool until she met me and I turned her into a dork. A Buffy loving, Glee obsessed, Dollhouse crazy dork.

I'm so influential. It's actually kind of true. When I met M he was this quiet, lonely freshman. Not so much anymore. He's a bit of a sociopath now, but that's not entirely my fault. ...

Waiting for B to get her ass ready, we're going for $.99 margaritas at Applebee's tonight. I haven't drank since before my surgery, so I'm excited for a girl's night out. This is my first time to ever have margaritas too, so we'll see how this goes, right?

Leave me alone, I waited until I turned twenty-one to drink. I haven't tried it all yet.

I also use song lyrics as my titles. I should start posting the name of the song, eh? The first entry was I Wake Up Exhausted by Tegan and Sara. This one is Call it Off by Tegan and Sara. I'm kind of in my Tegan and Sara phase right now. Noticed?

I wake up exhausted

So this is my first post, 'cause the other one wasn't a real post. Hi!

I'm not using my real name on this blog. This blog is for me to be able to express myself freely, and bitch and moan about work. For the sake of having a name to call me, we will call me Erika. She's a character on the television series that I'm writing, and she's a little bit alter-egoy.

I mostly started this to write about my summer. My summer will consist of working two jobs: A theme park and Target. I will be exhausted. I will have to deal with so many stupid people, and, for my sanity and your entertainment, I will write about it. If you are a stupid person, you might get offended. Sorry 'bout ya.

So I'll just start this by saying that no one should have to have surgery ever again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it can save your life and it can improve your life, but it sucks hardcore. No, not the surgery part, that wasn't so bad. But anyone who is a semi-grown-up but not really a grown-up and is paying rent and working a job where you can't take a paid leave, knows that this sucks. It sucks hard.

I got my tonsils taken out three weeks ago. When I went to the ENT (ear, nose, and throat) he told me that they need to come out. Then he went on to tell me that the recovery time would take 2-3 weeks. Wait a second, WEEKS? Yeah. Weeks.

Because I'm at the ripe old age of 21. I realized then that I was reaching adulthood. The first thing that popped into my head was not "oh noes, the pain!" It was "fuck, what am I gonna do about work?"

That's right. Work. Are they going to let me off for that long without firing me? How am I going to pay rent? These were my main concerns. My job and rent.

It's been a long process of getting back to work. Yeah. Work. The recovering from surgery part? Yeah, that sucked. But I'm really not thinking about it anymore, and couldn't really think about it WHILE I was in pain, because I'm poor.

And they fucked up at work, so I'm not even on the goddamn schedule. Son of a bitch.

Theme park wants me, though! I spent six hours training on Friday. It would've been more, except I had to drive an hour back home to go to therapy! So the next morning, I was right back at the theme park for nine more hours. I am so sunburnt. Keep in mind, it had been nearly three weeks since I'd done anything very physical. Riding with my friend to wal-mart to get ice cream felt like a big trip when I was doped up on pain killers and crying from the sore throat pain.

I'm exhausted. I ended up working at Target for about six hours today, my roommate wanted to recover from his hangover. (Yes, I met my roommate at work. Aren't we cute?) This hangover that he got from going out to the gay bar with MY BEST FRIEND while I passed out in bed from being so exhausted. Those bitches.

Oh, but seeing him drunk before I went to bed (he's a huge fan of pre-gaming) was the funniest shit ever. We're so mean to each other, in a joking way. While he was drunk I told him to go to hell and he was in the other room, so he yelled at me through the door "You go to... heaven! ... With Jesus...!" Yes, my roommate is lovely.

We'll call him Matt. Because there's a shit ton of Matt's all over the world. This is his real name. But that's okay, because the last three guys that I've slept with? Were all named Matt. Isn't that weird? My ex-best friend's name was Matt. My best friend in the second grade's name was Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt. Seriously. It's not even a pretty name!

So yeah. Today I worked at Target and we had this special promotion for Earth Month. Is it really an Earth MONTH? I thought it was just an Earth DAY, and that's on Tuesday. But whatever, I'm a fan of going green anyway. We gave out free reusable bags with a purchase. Which is pretty nifty, 'cause I love reusable bags.

Anyway, there's this guy who I think is a little slow. In the head, I mean. And he works there as a cashier. And the deal was that you just gave a reusable bag per transaction. No matter what. Even if they bought a pack of gum. Give them a mother fucking bag. I just automatically opened a bag and started bagging their stuff with it. It's common sense isn't it?

So this guy, and we'll call him R was at the register behind me. And EVERY person that went through his line, he was would say "do you want a bag?" ... .. JUST GIVE THEM THE FUCKING BAG. Not just that he would say it, but the way he talks it's hard to understand him. He kind of stutters it out all at once, and it's just hard to understand what he's saying.

Every person would go, "I'm sorry?" or "What?" Because DUDE, obviously people want their shit in a bag when they check out. So then he decided that he would be a little smarter and say "do you want a bag? they're free." And then it went to "do you want a free bag?"

But seriously! Just give them the fucking bag. Don't ask everyone if they want a bag! Obviously, if you get something for free, you're going to want it. Unless it's like, a bloody tampon. You know?

It just really got on my nerves.

People. Are. Stupid.

So yeah.

"About Me"

Apparently this was too long for the About Me section, so I'm posting it on here. So there.

There are a few things that you need to know about me.

1. I work at a theme park. I can't say which theme park, because it's against the rules. Just know that it's out in the midwest middle of nowhere. I operate rides. I am a ride operator.

2. I also work in retail. I doubt it matters if I put the name of the store, because it's Target. There are many, many Targets. And I'm not using my real name, so you'll never find me! I work as a cashier, and I work in the food avenue area. Mainly.

3. I love Joss Whedon. He is a brilliant man.

4. I'm a television major. Big suprise there, eh? I used to go to college, but now I'm poor. Yay. I want to write my own television series some day. It's called... Notches!

5. I'm atheist. I'm not a douche bag atheist who thinks that anyone who isn't is stupid. I'm just a nice, (semi) wholesome girl from down yander who believes that there is nothing. 'kay?

6. I swear. A lot. Especially when I rant. It's this thing that I do.

7. I love the homosexual community. My roommate is gay. Most of my friends, are gay. If you do not like the gay, you do not like to read my blog. :)

8. Relationships are not for me. I'd rather write about love... and destroy it, than actually be in it. It's a painful experience.

9. I used to be really depressed and I came from a very bad home life. It sucked. I'm over it.

10. I feel like a complete dumbass for making a list. :(