I don't know who I am without you

So my last post was a while ago, and it was definitely a depressing one. Things have been pretty normal around here. I quit Target. Not some dramatic, throw my nametag on the ground and shout "I quit mother fuckers!" or anything like that, I put in my two weeks notice and took my leave. I got a job at Starbucks. Ohh yeah, who's gained six pounds in the past two months?

Speaking of that, I did lose fifteen pounds recently! And yeah, gained some back, but I'm back on track. I'm not really on a diet, I'm just trying to change the way I eat and exercise more. But imagine how tempting it is when you can have any drinks at Starbucks FO FREE every day?

I'll have to do a longer update, I'm getting ready for my math class and thought I'd pop in and update the internet world (which is nobody, really haha) on my happenings. Hello, whoever might happen upon this blog! Leave a  comment, they're COOL!

Where I Stood - Missy Higgins

growing up goes slow

I just had a dream that it was two weeks ago and Chris was still alive. In my dream, I was at work and Chris was looking at CDs and I knew that he was going to die. And all that I could seem to do was hug him and tell him that I love him and ask him over and over again if he's doing okay. And then he was gone.

Not sleeping so great the past couple of days.

Sad Song - Christina Perri

sometime's love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why.

One week ago today, a truly horrible tragedy took place on Eureka Road.

I have a best friend. We've loved and cared for each other for the past seven years (even when we've fought every other month), and he lost his little brother exactly one week ago.

They say to not speak ill of the dead, but here's the thing; there's absolutely nothing ill to speak of. Christopher Brown was one of the nicest people that you will ever meet. I don't know exactly how to explain it in terms that anyone will fully comprehend, but Chris was one in a million.

When Matty and I would bother him, he'd never get mad. He told us to leave him alone, of course, but there was always laughter in his voice. He had the kind of smile that could make anyone smile back. And, boy, could that kid grow a beard.

I feel like I don't have words...

Chris took his own life Wednesday night. I saw him in a casket Saturday evening and watched them put him into the ground on Sunday afternoon.

This is something that you can't possibly understand until you've gone through it, but everyone who is reading this needs to know that people love you. People fucking love you. Don't you dare get to that point.

Born to Die - Lana Del Rey

you fit me better than my favorite sweater

So it's apparently summer already? It was in the 80's on Tuesday. WTF Global warming?

In other news, THE HUNGER GAMES comes out tomorrow. Obviously I'm excited, having devoured the books months ago and I am so ready to see it. I bought the soundtrack yesterday and it's pretty damn decent. Bought tickets on Tuesday, my friend (also known as my supervisor) and I are going to see it Saturday evening. We're going to hang out at her apartment first, watch movies/tv whatever and eat Chinese take-out and of course, drink some wine. Hopefully we'll be just the right amount of tipsy for Hunger Games. (:

A friend brought me Lana Del Rey's Born to Die album, and I'm pretty damn impressed.

Someone did a parody to the tune of "Video Games" for Hunger Games. YouTube it, it is hilarious. Look up "Lana Del Rey's 'Hunger Games'" and watch and enjoy.

Project Runway All Stars Finale was tonight! Mondo finally fucking won! Shit. I still don't understand how the fucking hell Gretchen won in their season. Her looks were like, ugly brown cowgirl bullshit outfits that made me wanna gag. If Mondo didn't win, I was going to throw a hissy fit. I would've lived if Michael son, but Austin Scarlett? Fuck. One of his outfits looked like his model poop out some kind of pink fuzz shit, and that "red carpet dress" was hideous. And unfinished. And who the hell does a wedding dress on Project Runway? Blech.

Two more episodes of Shameless! I'm going to DIE from anticipation, the previews look like something absolutely fucking horrible happens. Scared. The newest episode, Hurricane Monica? I bawled at the end, Emmy Rossum is so amazingly brilliant. Honestly, all of the actors are fantastic on this show. So glad that it's been signed for a third season.

House of Lies has proved to be pretty damn good, as well. Not quite so invested, but we'll see.

And what the fuck, Glee? You give us this really shitty, watered down season and then decide to touch on a really serious topic (that's resolved in two minutes), and then leave us with a huge ass cliffhanger? Rude.

Once Upon a Time has been pretty great so far. I was unsure about it in the beginning, but it's gotten a lot stronger. Plus, I mean, Amy Acker guest starring was a definite plus.

I know that Grey's Anatomy has lost its former glory, but I still love it. And Summer Glau guest starring, even if she wasn't like a main character, still a bonus. I wish that they would stop throwing Alex around so much. Izze, and then Jane Doe/Rebecca, then Izze again, and then that ugly, rude Reid that got a head shot, then that random blonde chick, now this all of a sudden random intern girl? C'mon.

Blue Jeans - Lana Del Rey

I should have found by now

So many tornadoes!

Just paid some bills, because it's payday and bill paying is the biggest part of payday. Blah. But overall, a nice day. Haley and I went to get some Mexican food after the big storm and then we went back to my place and watched Winnie the Pooh. Y'know, the 1977 shorts. Adorable. It was a nice little evening.

And I'm slightly embarrassed to admit it, but after the Pooh watching we popped in an old Degrassi DVD and watched Jimmy/Audbrey Graham/mother fucking Drake? get shot in the back. It was fun. (:

Otherwise, things have been fine. Except I'm pretty sure that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm probably just going to stay single for the rest of my life. I don't get men, and I don't think I'd like most girls, so here I am. DOES THAT MEAN THAT I HAVE TO GIVE UP SEX?

Apparently.

Dear weather, please stop fucking up my allergies. It's rude and I don't like not being able to breathe through my nose.

Work this weekend and Monday night, then our bi-weekly Monday night margaritas (and by "our" I mean mostly work friends) and Tuesday off. Bi-Tuesdays are the best. I dropped $50 on Japanese Hibachi last time, but it was totally worth it. Guess what? I like sushi. At least, I like Philadelphia rolls and this really awesome Red Bull house roll from that new restaurant. It's wrapped in STEAK.

Goodnight.

Cough Syrup - Darrin Criss

you electrify my life

So remember way back when I got this promotion and am now in charge of ze photo lab? Yeah, the woman that I was against is still being a bitter bitch. I'm over that.

A bunch of us are going to Applebee's tonight for 99 cent margaritas, which is promising to be awesome. I invited really hot guy that's been very, um, not responsive lately. He said that it sounds nice and sounded truly interested. We'll see if he follows through.

I went swimming the other night after passive aggressive woman at work got not so passive and yelled at me about a bunch of bullshit that is all in her head. Actively not thinking of that, I begin writing a scene in my head while I swam back and forth in my lane. Working on it now. (:

I love my friends. You know, the ones that don't suck. As for the ones that suck, yes, I love them, but do I need them?

Starlight - Muse

I'm about to lose control

Exercise bike for twenty minutes after work, it said that I burned 83 calories. (:

Today was weird. A customer told my supervisor that I was negative and rude. Sorry that I can't wave my magic wand and give you every thing that you want. I wish I had a magic wand that would get rid of that disgusting, heavy perfume that you wear. It's seriously so strong that I can't breathe next to you.

Here's the best part. When I offered to refund her photos, she said "Well what are you going to do with them?" And I said "I would damage them out and destroy them." "So you're not going to post them on facebook and say 'this was some crazy woman' or something?" ".... *take a moment to regain composure* ... That's unprofessional." Then she laughed and tried to give me a smack on the shoulder, saying that she was 'just kidding' but the smell from her had me standing so far back from the counter that she couldn't reach. Ahahahaha.

One person complaining about me isn't really going to hurt my feelings. Since, you know, most people think that I'm amazing. Which I am. (:

I'm in a Muse mood lately.

Hysteria - Muse

I just wanted to hold you in my arms...

Just swam laps and I feel amazing! I finally registered for Bob's Gym, which is better than the Y by like...a lot. I think that I've lost seven pounds, but I'm not sure! Either way, yay!

That's all. (:

Starlight - Muse

what kind of situation am in now?

I've been having an amazing time lately. I have these friends, they're not gay and they're females. It's pretty much amazing.

Today we met up for Olive Garden and then went back to Katelyn's for a movie. Which was Tucker and Dale vs Evil, which I've already seen twice, but I was like "yeah you guys have to watch this." So much love for this movie. I remember nearly two years ago when I found out about it, I couldn't fucking wait to see it. I was not disappointed.

We're planning on doing this kind of thing bi weekly. Hanging out, watching shows/movies, eating food. I have every other Tuesday off, Katelyn has every Tuesday off, and Jennifer always gets off by 4:30 so yay!

Last night I went to Applebee's with some people from work and it was a blast. We had 99 cent margaritas and half price appetizers. Our waiter was hilarious. Fun times.

Some things suck, but I'm focusing on the positive right now, so all is good in the world.

Roll With the Punches - Lenka

and they would try to make us forget ourselves

I came up for something new in Notches the other day. It was exciting, even if it was small. One benefit to having to drive forty minutes to work and then forty minutes home everyday - plenty of time to think.

So I got sicker as the week wore on since Christmas. I ended up going home early on Monday and then just calling in on Tuesday. It was horrible. I'm feeling better now, just draining all of this crap out of my system... which is pretty disgusting. I worked a Starbucks shift yesterday to make up for calling in and it had me fucking exhausted. I ended up going to bed at 10:30 last night. Yeah. I didn't stay up for New Years for the first time since I was a baby. And I'm really not sad about it.

I was invited to do things, but I'm just turning into an eighty year-old lady, so that ya go. I spent today doing laundry and watching Grey's. I seriously bawled, too. I can watch some of that shit a hundred times and I still lose it at certain parts. :'(

I'm sore all over. I'm pretty close to crawling in bed with some icy hot and just passing the fuck out. Tomorrow at work I think I'm going to bring a notebook in with me like I used to before the holiday madness and do some writing.

Goodnight!

Invasion- Eisley