I am small

I was being inspired for a while, with my writing. I wasn't writing Notches, so shame on me, but I was really enjoying what I was writing. It was just a continuation of this old Harry Potter roleplay that a friend of mine and I used to do. It's been four-five years since we worked on it, so I doubt she'll mind that I took over and wrote some of it.

It was amazing. I was writing something for absolutely no one else but myself. Not that writing Notches is for other people... but it kind of is, right? I expect someone to read it someday, it's pressure because I've taken on this project solo. There used to be two of us, it was so much fun when there was two of us. And now it's just me, and most days I'm perfectly fine with that.

I know what I want to happen. I have some spectacular ideas for the series. I can think about these scenarios for hours and not get bored... But give me a blank page on word and I'm stumped.

It's the beginning that is hard for me. I wrote a scene for season three one day, and it was amazing. I wrote many pages of a very rough draft of this really upsetting scene. But to sit down and write the pilot, and introduce the characters and make them interact together is just... well, it's hard.

I need someone to write this with me, but I don't really know anyone. Except the one person that it all started with, and since she's... well, I don't know what she is - I'm on my own.

In other words, I might be getting a promotion at Target. I've decided that the Fresh Market is probably not a good idea... seeing as how they apparently are only going to give me TWENTY hours a week. WTF Seriously? I can't live off of that. If I get this promotion, I'll be in charge of the photo lab. How cool is that?

Then I think about how stressful all of this is going to be. Working full-time, going to school full-time. When am I going to have a chance to breathe?

And most importantly, when am I going to stop being a lazy ass and write this fucking television series? These scenes are going to slip through my fingers if I don't write them out, y'know?

I just want to be great. Is that so much to ask for?

Breathe Me - Sia